


Wheels Go Round and Round

by amonkeysue



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Deviates From Canon, Multi, Somewhat, bonus sam wilson at the end, post captain america 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-18
Updated: 2014-06-30
Packaged: 2018-01-25 13:07:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 14,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1649726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amonkeysue/pseuds/amonkeysue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky comes back into Steve's life, and that's when everything started to get more complicated than usual.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Rediscovering You

**Author's Note:**

> I think it's time I start thinking more about getting this up rather than deliberating over it.

Bucky was alive.

Bucky was alive, had a metal arm, and had tried to kill Steve, but didn’t. He had saved Steve.

Only to vanish.

But not entirely.

The first time had been about a week after the fall of Project Insight. Steve had been walking to a coffee shop near Avengers Tower (his new home- after all that had happened, Tony had offered and Steve hadn’t felt like refusing)and spotted a figure in a hoodie and ball cap out of the corner of his eye. He’d thought the person kind of looked like Bucky. By the time he had turned and fully looked, the figure was gone.

Steve soon figured that hadn’t been a fluke. It was Bucky, keeping tabs on Steve.

As soon as he had realized, Steve had to resist trying to reach out to him right then and there. He had to give Bucky time and space. He would come around in time. Hopefully.

For now, he kept the habit of walking down to the coffee shop. On impulse, he left a sticky note one day that read ‘Do you want something?’

There wasn’t a response, but the next day the barista commented on the fact that Steve’s “friend had stopped by and just missed him.”

Steve went ahead and left a coffee that morning.

The following day he was told that Bucky had taken the coffee.

Their coffee schedule continued, and Steve kept on trying to communicate through Post-Its.

‘Are you doing okay?’

‘Do you have a place to stay?’

‘Do you need anything?’

‘Do you like the coffee?’

One day there was finally a blue Post-It in response, Sharpie scrawled across it. ‘Yes.’

Steve smiled and ordered the usual for Bucky.

The coffee schedule continued for three months. Occasionally Steve would spot Bucky somewhere else on his daily path. Neither of them made a move to directly interact with each other. Steve wasn’t sure what he could reasonably start to say to Bucky.

‘Hey! So you’re alive! Thanks for not killing me! What are you up to lately?’ just didn’t seem to cut it.

Since Tony had helped engineer a new set of wings for Sam, he and Steve had been going on small ops in hopes of finding more info on Bucky and tracking down the spare Hydra agent that they caught wind of.

He was back from one of these night ops and walking into his front room when he tensed. Something was off. Shield in hand, Steve carefully stepped forward.

“Who’s in here?” he called out.

“Look for yourself.” The voice was husky, as if not used for more than a couple words in quite a while.

Steve whirled to face the armchair. His bearing loosened upon seeing Bucky sitting there. “Didn’t think you knew where I lived.” He set the shield aside.

“Avengers Tower. It’s not that hard to figure out.” There was something… human again in Bucky’s expression as he spoke. More of the man Steve knew.

It was good to see.

“So am I talking to the Winter Soldier or Bucky Barnes?”

Bucky’s gaze was intense. He lowly replied, “I’m not sure. Someone in between.”

Steve nodded once. “Okay. Someone in between, what do you need?”

“Help.” Bucky shifted, laying his left arm across one knee. Moving it looked painful. Half the metal was visible, the other half covered by his rolled up sleeve. “Someone needs to look at my arm. Rain hasn’t been too kind to it, especially without upkeep.”

“You been stuck out on the streets?” Steve asked in concern.

Bucky offhandedly shrugged, more with his right shoulder than with his left. “Might have spent a couple of nights on a park bench. Some nights indoors. Some not.”

“There are shelters. And I could’ve-.”

Bucky hurriedly cut Steve off. “And I’ve got a metal arm. I stand out. It’s more up my alley anyway to stay in the library and research all night.” 

“And what were you researching all night long?”

“James Buchanan Barnes.” He paused. “The Smithsonian exhibit only has so much info.”

“So do you know more about yourself from memory or research?”

“I’m a work in progress Steve. I don’t know who or what I am. All I’ve got is pieces.”

“But you know that you need help.”

“But I know that I need help,” Bucky repeated.

“So how far have you come?”

An echo of a smile momentarily lit up Bucky’s face. “I’m not tryin’ to kill you .”

“And thank you for that. I would ask Tony to look at your arm, but he might be sleeping.”

“Guess I should’ve knocked.”

“Would’ve led to quicker results than waiting for me.” Steve shifted his weight.

“You’re probably the only one who trusts me in any form.”

“Possibly. Maybe not.”

“What’s done is done. I came to you Steve.”

“I don’t want you running off in the middle of the night,” warned Steve. “You’re staying here.”

Bucky carefully stood and angled himself towards the couch. His left arm stiffly hung by his side. “You have an extra blanket?”

“You get the bed Bucky.”

Surprise briefly registered in his eyes as they flicked in Steve’s direction. “Steve, I’m not going to take your bed.”

“It’s too much of a marshmallow for me anyways. But it’s better than a park bench.”

“I am not going to take your bed Steve.”

“Bucky, you’ve always looked out for me. Just let me look out for you for once. Please.”

Neither dropped the other’s gaze for a moment. Bucky finally took a small step forward away from the direction of the couch, murmuring, “You’re really something now Steve.”

Making sure to be careful of Bucky’s left arm and side, Steve pulled him into a hug. “Don’t forget it.”

Bucky stiffened in surprise at the embrace, only to relax as Steve held on. He semi-awkwardly put his right arm around Steve, patting his back once.

Steve’s voice was gruff with emotion. “It’s good to have you back.” 

“Don’t get all sentimental on me now.”

“Fat chance.”

“I’m not even all the man you knew me to be.”

“Doesn’t matter Bucky. You’re still you.”

“I kinda hope you’re right,” Bucky muttered below his breath.

Steve hugged him a little tighter.


	2. Slip and Slide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony tinkers, Steve worries, and Bucky is adjusting.

Tony was found waiting by the coffee pot, rather unsurprisingly.

“Hey Cap, aren’t you usually out for a jog or something about now- oh. Who’s that?”

“Think you can help with a bionic arm?”

Tony blinked once. “The Winter Soldier?”

“That’s not what I asked Tony.”

“I probably can. I’m going to need some details though. Both on the arm and what the hell he’s doing here.” Tony accusingly pointed a spoon at Steve. “And why isn’t he trying to kill anyone?”

Steve lightly grabbed Tony’s arm and leaned in next to him. He lowly said, “Look, he’s coming to terms with the fact of who he is. His programming is in the process of breaking. And his arm has gone uncared for over several months now in not so great conditions for a bionic arm. It needs the upkeep, and we need to help him. Think you can do that?”

Tony raised an eyebrow and smirked. “Well Cap, why didn’t you just say so?”

 

Bucky had quietly told Tony everything he could remember about the details of his arm. Tony was holding back on his snarky comments for Steve’s sake. He meticulously arranged his tools so as to distract himself from commenting to begin with.

As soon as Bucky had gotten settled, Steve had noticed that the star on his left shoulder was just a red smear. 

Tony hesitated before reaching out for Bucky’s arm. He first asked, “So how much feeling do you have in the arm?”

“Enough.”

“Do you have more or less feeling than normal in the arm?”

“Less.”

“Do you need any painkiller?”

“I’ll be fine.”

“Make sure to tell me if you do. Don’t make me accidentally hurt you. You know Steve would be after me and I don’t need that.”

Steve managed out a small smile. Bucky remained still.

Tony lifted a small tipped tool. “I’m starting.”

Bucky unconsciously tensed, relaxing as Steve rested his hand on Bucky’s wrist.

There was silence except for the sound of Tony’s tinkering. He occasionally asked Bucky to move his arm and see how it felt. Bucky would give one or two word responses and Tony would continue to tinker.

“Okay, try that,” Tony eventually said before sitting back and putting his tool down.

Bucky stood and made several large circular motions with his arm before clenching his hand into a fist several times. He nodded.

“That’s good.”

Steve waited until Bucky had pulled his shirt back on before speaking. “What now?” He adjusted his stance to be in Bucky’s path. “I’m not going to let you just walk off and vanish Bucky. Let me help you.”

“I’ve got plenty of extra space,” Tony offered, barely looking at the two other men as he put his stuff away.

“Better than a park bench.” Steve intently looked at Bucky before cracking a small smile. “All you’ve got to do is shine my shoes. Maybe take out the trash.”

Bucky sighed and ran a hand through his hair before slightly smiling. “Fine. You’ve got me.”

Steve couldn’t help but happily grin even wider. “Coffee break before moving in?”

“You’re paying.”

Tony looked from Bucky to Steve and back. “There is definitely something I’m missing out on here.”

“I’ll tell you later,” Steve called back over his shoulder as he and Bucky walked out.

 

Steve fitfully stayed up all of that first night outside Bucky’s room, reassuring himself that Bucky was still there and would still be there. He paced, stopped, and paced some more, his shield in hand.

In the morning Bucky uneasily made his way into the kitchen. (Steve had left his vigil after hearing Bucky get up.)

“Nice to see that you’re still around,” Tony commented. He, again, was busy by the coffee pot.

“I made Steve a promise.” His voice sounded better after a couple days of more constant use.

“Can’t mess with that.”

Steve casually walked in. “Sleep well?”

Bucky returned the question. “Did you?”

“Bed’s still a marshmallow.” Steve shrugged as he grabbed the milk from the fridge. With his foot he nudged open the pantry and proceeded to grab the box of Cheerios from the third shelf up.

“Seemed to me like you were busy standing guard.” Bucky’s eyes tracked Steve as he grabbed a bowl and spoon.

If Steve were a blusher, he might have flushed red. He shouldn’t have been surprised that Bucky knew he had been lurking. “I worry.”

“You worry too much.”

“Just figure that it’s about time that I returned the favor.”

Bruce walked into the kitchen. “Tony- oh. We have a guest.”

“Permanent. He’s living here now,” Tony explained, “Bruce, this is Bucky Barnes, Steve’s old friend who came back from the grave. Oh, and he’s also the Winter Soldier and tried to kill him but we’re apparently not talking about that. Bucky, Bruce Banner. Piss him off and he gets mean and green. So I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”

“Hi.” Bruce tried to casually walk over next to Tony. Below his breath, he asked, “Is Pepper okay with this?”

“We’re not talking about that either. I still have to talk to her,” Tony sheepishly admitted.

“Tony.”

Bucky effectively ignored the side conversation. “Gamma radiation, correct?” He extended his right hand to Bruce.

He took it. “That’s what I specialize in. I’m a little more open as to what I study now, but…” Bruce trailed off.

Steve was curiously regarding Bucky. “How did you know about Bruce?”

“His name came up with yours.”

Bruce shrugged, apparently unaffected by Steve’s implications and Bucky’s casual response. “You can find everything on the Internet these days.”

Tony glanced at Steve, who still had concern etched into his expression. “Anyone want an omelette?” he asked.

Steve’s eyes swiveled his way. “An omelette?”

“Oh yeah. Ask Pep or Bruce. I can make a killer omelette.”

“He is a surprisingly good omelette maker,” Bruce admonished with a smile.

“See?” Tony gestured towards Bruce. “And he doesn’t lie. Here, Steve, you and Bucky hang out in the lounge. Bring the Cheerios if you want. Go lower your cholesterol and reduce the risk of heart disease. I’ll bring up omelettes in a little bit.”

“I volunteer to keep an eye on him,” offered Bruce as he raised one hand.

“Bucky?” Steve asked, turning to face him straight on.

“I’m fine with it.”

“That settles it then. You two, upstairs. Watch a cartoon or something. Bruce, please grab the eggs.”

Steve nodded once to Tony as he walked out behind Bucky.

After a matter of a few minutes, JARVIS told Tony and Bruce, “Natasha and Clint have just informed me that they are fifteen minutes away.”

“Huh. Bruce, grab me another egg. JARVIS, tell them to head up to the lounge when they get here.”


	3. Here We Are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve just wants answers at new revelations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So help me I had to keep with some past Bucky/Natasha headcanons.

Steve and Bucky made casual conversation, drifting into discussing small fragments of time that Bucky remembered. They trailed off as Bruce joined them in the lounge, sitting down on the opposite end of the L-couch. In response to the silence, Bruce picked up a paper and started flipping through for an interesting headline. Tony followed several minutes later with the omelettes, sitting down a cushion away from Bruce to set everything down in the center of the coffee table.

“You forgot plates,” Bruce pointed out without glancing up.

Pepper walked in with plates and silverware. “I’ve got you.”

Tony gestured to Pepper as he stood up and walked over to her. “You complete me!” He kissed her cheek and took the plates from her.

She was going to ask about Bucky when Natasha and Clint walked in.

“So what are we up here for?” Clint was asking. He and Natasha were walking in step and nearly hip-to-hip.

Recognition registered in Bucky’s eyes. “Natalia?”

Clint and Pepper both blinked, unsure exactly what was happening. Tony froze, halfway between putting an omelette on a plate. Bruce set down the paper and curiously watched the scene unfold before him.

Natasha immediately focused on Bucky, her expression momentarily betraying her surprise until her mask slipped back into place. “James?” She looked to Steve. “How did you find him?”

“He found me. How does he know you?”

In unison, Bucky and Natasha sighed. He rested his left arm on his knee as he leaned over into a more comfortable position.

“Red Room days,” Natasha quickly offered in explanation.

“Training,” Bucky hastily added on.

Steve glanced from Bucky to Natasha. “You knew him, and you didn’t say anything?” He almost looked hurt.

She shifted uncomfortably. “I knew he wouldn’t remember. Their programming was very thorough. And it didn’t seem applicable.”

“How was it not applicable?” Steve stood, his posture rigid. Bucky was right behind him. “You know Bucky-.”

“I didn’t remember her. It… I was dangerous,” Bucky quietly said, trying to calm Steve down.

“That-.”

“Steve,” Natasha softly intoned, “Not here. Not now.”

He hesitated for a moment until Bucky put his hand on his shoulder. Steve let Bucky lead him to sit back down.

The room was overwhelmingly silent for a moment.

Clint seized the opportunity for a joke to lighten the mood. “Omelettes? Tony, you shouldn’t have. Just because my name relates to a bird doesn’t mean everything has to be about them. Especially with eggs.”

Tony uneasily chuckled. “You wish Barton.”

“Worth a shot.”

Bruce ruefully shook his head and asked, “Is that another pun?”

Clint dramatically flipped a hand. “Not purposefully. But you know I have a quiver full of them.”

Natasha softly groaned. “Clint…”

He couldn’t help but grin. “Sorry Nat.” They sat down. Natasha’s eyes flicked over to Bucky, who was quietly talking to Steve, although he met her glance, curiously raising an eyebrow. She slightly tilted her head to the right, raising an eyebrow in response.

Tony handed out omelettes as Pepper passed him plates.

Clint leaned over to whisper something in Natasha’s ear. She shook her head.

The meal was eaten in relative silence. Tony and Bruce quietly talked about whatever they happened to be planning for the next month in the lab. There were several times that before Tony would say something to Steve or Natasha, Pepper would stop him with a knowing glare.

Bruce offered to collect the dishes. Tony and Pepper found excuses of their own to leave.

“You know if you talk in here Tony will try and listen in,” Clint casually mentioned, speaking as if he were simply commenting on the weather.

Steve rose to his feet in one smooth motion.

“In my room then.”

Again, Clint and Natasha settled next to teach other on the couch, separated only enough so that their thighs were barely touching. Steve stood near the wall, his arms crossed and his expression difficult to read. Bucky sat in the armchair.

“First off, I’m Clint Barton, aka Hawkeye, wisecracking archer extraordinaire. Now we all know each other, so that’s out of the way. You’re welcome.”

Steve didn’t skip a beat. “So what’s the story?”

“There really isn’t that much to tell Steve.”

“I still want to hear it Tasha.”

“I was with the Red Room and as for the Winter Soldier… well, I was selected to train with him. Nothing was supposed to happen, but we were both very good at being secretive. It started as teaching me English, and then we became physically intimate. Handlers found out, and we were effectively separated. I heard whispers of him every now and then, and you’re aware of the rest.”

“If you’re looking for more than that, my memory’s spotty,” Bucky dryly replied as Steve expectantly looked over to him.

“That’s all?”

Natasha frowned at Steve. “It’s in the past. Does it need anymore?”

“You should’ve told me.”

“And what good would that have done?” interjected Clint. He gestured with one hand at Bucky. “They wiped him so he wouldn’t remember anyone. Nat’s got another bullet scar to prove it.” Bucky guiltily bristled at the comment. Clint continued regardless. “It wouldn’t have made a difference Steve.”

“Maybe not, but it would have been helpful to know!”

“For what?” Bucky quietly asked, looking down at his hands as he spoke. “To try and make me remember anything of it sooner? There was enough of a conflict remembering who you were, let alone with the complication of memories with Natalia as well.”

“I’m not saying that there wouldn’t have been issues. I just think I should’ve found out about this sooner, considering all of what’s already come out.”

Clint hurriedly looked over at Natasha, gauging her reaction.

She slightly narrowed her eyes, her gaze locked to Steve. “The world doesn’t know everything about me, only parts and pieces. Just because we can be friends and I’ve told you a little more than what the general public knows doesn’t mean you’re entitled to my whole story.”

“There sti-.”

“Steve,” Bucky warned, a note of irritation creeping into his tone. He switched into Russian and started addressing Natasha. “ _He is not going to drop this._ ”

" _He will. I’ll make him._ ”

“ _He doesn’t give up easy._ ”

“ _As I am well aware._ ”

“ _Until you two started talking in Russian I didn’t know Steve could give dirty looks that wouldn’t look ridiculous._ ”

Bucky looked at Clint in mild surprise. “ _I did not expect you to be familiar with the language._ ”

He made an unclear noise of admonishment. “ _Nat taught me for missions. Except for when in Russia of course._ ”

“If you’re going to speak in another language, please choose French,” Steve irritably sighed.

Natasha innocently smiled, although her eyes had something sly in them. In French, she sarcastically asked, “ _Are you having a problem?_ ”

Clint bit back a laugh, huffing instead. Steve was sorely tempted to roll his eyes.

“ _A little bit, yeah_ ,” he responded, also in French.

“You’re a grown man. Surely you can deal with a little irritation.” There was something teasing in Natasha’s tone.

“Doesn’t mean I have to like it,” Steve grumbled. He shifted his weight onto one foot.

“Well life isn’t fair. Sometimes we don’t get what we want,” Bucky softly said, “and like it or not you’ve gotta live with the consequences, no matter how much it hurts.”

“Do you think I don’t know that? Bucky, I thought I lost everything. Everyone, everything I knew was dead when I woke up. It hurt like hell, but I figured out how to live on. I lived with the consequences. Now all I want is a little more behind the apparent back story here. All I want is more information about what’s happened with you.”

“Steve, what are you looking for?! The exact details of what we said to each other? There’s only so much we can give you, and that’s pretty much been said. Natalia and I were short lived, and everything is in bits and pieces. I don’t think we can give you a coherent narrative even if we tried.”

Natasha inclined her head towards Bucky in agreement. She crossed her arms across her chest and addressed Steve, “If you want a play by play, you’re going to have to accept disappointment.”

Steve sighed once. “Is this really all the information you can give me? You two were in a relationship and then were purposefully separated. Nothing more that could be important?”

“He became a name on the wind for me,” Natasha added on with a small shrug, “that’s all I can offer that could seem important, as it goes on to explain my… surprise when you mentioned him.”

“Again, I’m not exactly the best at remembering details of my past. I don’t think there’s anything more to say, but I can’t say for sure. Besides,” Bucky glanced over to Natasha, “we need to figure out where we stand now.”

Again, Steve sighed. He hesitated before speaking. “Fair enough.”

Clint and Natasha simultaneously raised an eyebrow in mild surprise.

“I didn’t think he would be willing to leave it be so quickly,” Clint muttered below his breath to Natasha. She mutely nodded in response.

Bucky almost cracked a sympathetic smile. “Thank you, Steve. For understanding.”

Steve offhandedly shrugged. “I can only complain about so much anymore, given recent turns in events.”

Natasha elbowed Clint’s side before he said anything.


	4. Bearings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint, Natasha, and Bucky figure out where they stand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right when I finally decide to start posting in something reminiscent of a schedule is of course when I've got to go for camps and such... so more chapters could be a little erratic.

“So, awkward welcoming back into Avengers Tower, check,” Clint jokingly told Natasha.

They had vanished off to the roof after talking with Steve and Bucky. Natasha sat comfortably on Clint’s outstretched legs, her knees brushing against his hips.

“It was certainly unexpected.”

“I’m just trying to figure out who’s more thrown- Steve, Bucky, or you.”

“Probably Steve. I’ve had enough time to move on, and this would be only the second time that James has appeared again. I know what’s in the past. So should James. Steve is just confused by everything we say at the moment.”

Clint let his smile falter. “Nat, are you sure you’re okay? This is kinda a big surprise that essentially came from out of nowhere-.”

Natasha quirked an eyebrow. “I already knew he was still alive Clint. He shot me. And it really isn’t surprising that he would come back to Steve. They do have a history.”

“That’s not what I meant Nat.” Clint frowned. “Are you okay-okay?”

“Yes, I will admit seeing him in the lounge did come as no small shock. Yes, there is a complicated history that can bring no small variety of emotions to the table. But you know me. I can manage.” She leaned forward to cup the side of Clint’s face. “Clint, I’m fine.” She smiled. “Besides, even if I weren’t, I’ve got you around. How can anything be not okay with you around?”

“Aww Nat, you’re going to make me blush.”

“I’d be fine with that,” she teased.

Clint resisted the urge to roll his eyes, instead leaning forward to kiss Natasha’s cheek.

“Guess I’d have to make you blush then,” he whispered before pulling away.

She laughed. “And I would wish you the best of luck in your endeavors, Clint Barton. Your odds do not look so great for that though.”

“Oh I know. It really is a shame. You look even prettier when you blush.”

Natasha playfully frowned and teasingly asked, “So _that’s_ when I look pretty?”

“You’re always drop dead beautiful already. So maybe it is best if you don’t blush. I might not survive the experience of seeing you so gorgeous, and we can’t have that. I like being around you too much, and you said you need me.”

“You’re hilarious.”

Clint grinned and drawled, “All for you darling, all for you.”

The door to the roof opened.

Clint and Natasha automatically looked up towards the newcomer.

Bucky awkwardly coughed. “Didn’t mean to interrupt anything-.”

Natasha cut him off. “We’re just sitting. It’s comfortable.” She didn’t skip a beat. “What do you want to talk about?”

“I…” Bucky hesitated, something distant in his eyes. “I’ve got to figure out where exactly we are. To let go and move on without any loose ends.”

There was a soft edge in Natasha’s expression as she murmured, loud enough for Bucky to hear, “There will always be loose ends to bring you back. The important thing is to not dwell on them.”

He ran a hand over his face and exhaled. “It would be easier if everything could just be forgotten.”

“The wolves never forget, and they don’t ever really leave their playground. You just learn how to keep them at bay for as long as possible.”

Clint held back a smile at Natasha’s poetic statement in an effort to keep the solemn mood that she had ushered in.

“Is there a better place to talk than up here?” Bucky asked.

Natasha retracted her legs from Clint’s sides, tucking them underneath her in a crouch before she stood. Clint got up after her.

“I’m assuming you’ve got somewhere in mind?” he questioned.

She nodded. “My floor.” Bucky stepped out of the doorway to let Natasha pass. He followed behind her to the elevator, where Clint hurried forward to press the button before Natasha.

“Ding.” He brightly smiled.

“You win this round,” Natasha consented, barely able to hold back a smile of her own.

Bucky didn’t even ask.

Natasha’s living room area had a L-shaped couch where Steve’s had a couch and armchair.

“Do we want blankets? Pillows? I’m pretty sure Nat’s got a teddy bear tucked away somewhere.”

“Clint, not now.”

Bucky awkwardly settled on one end of the couch. Natasha sat to his right. Clint sat to hers, their knees touching.

“I’m pretty sure we could cut this tension with a knife,” Clint commented. For the joking tone in his voice, his posture was tense. His gaze flitted from Natasha to Bucky, trying to gauge each of them.

“Then we might as well not tiptoe around the issue. We’ve already said it’s in the past.”

“Agreed.” Bucky leaned forward and positioned his elbows on his knees. His hands were clasped. “But I… the last couple of times we met I shot you. Add that on top of everything we had and all the years that have passed, and I have no idea how you and I fit in anything, or if we even can fit.”

“James…” Natasha extended one hand to rest on his knee. She waited for him to look her in the eye. “You have to be able to accept that you’ve done things you will regret. There is nothing you can do to escape that fact. All you can do is keep moving forward. And yes, in light of our past it has made some aspects invariably painful. But we can’t stay rooted in those. I will be here for you as a friend James. That’s where we fit.”

Clint watched Bucky’s reaction.

“I…” He fumbled for words, clearly at a loss.

“That’s a supreme vote of confidence if there ever was one,” noted Clint, “It doesn’t get much more reassuring than when Natasha says she’ll be there.”

Natasha smiled at Clint before turning back to Bucky.

“Natalia, -.”

“Nowadays I’m going by Natasha, or Tasha for short.”

“Or Nat,” Clint lowly said so that only Natasha could hear. She bumped her knee against his in acknowledgement.

Bucky swallowed and sat back up. Emotion rolled in the undertones of his voice. “Natasha… thank you.”

She casually shrugged. “It’s the least I can do.”

“It means a lot.”

“Having someone reach out always does.” Behind her, Natasha rested one hand on top of Clint’s. She squeezed.

Clint adjusted his hand so that he could hold Natasha’s. “I feel like these are the type of moments that need to end with food. And the kitchen isn’t that far away.”

Natasha sighed. “Get used to him, James. He never stops.” She pulled Clint’s hand closer to her.

“That’s the idea.” Clint scooted closer to her.

Bucky half smiled at the obvious exchange. “I’m glad to see that you’re happy.”

“There’s certainly never a dull moment with Clint around,” she teased, looking back at him over her shoulder, an expression that could not be described as anything other than love in her eyes.

To add on to Natasha’s point, Clint vigorously nodded. “Life’s boring if someone doesn’t try and keep everyone else on their toes.”

“He’s also been known for Nerf warfare from the vents. You’ve been warned.”

“Aww Nat, don’t go spoiling my secrets. How am I supposed to prank anyone at this rate?”

“I’m sure you’ll manage.”

Clint absentmindedly shrugged. “True, very true.”

Bucky stood. “So now that we’re settled-.”

“Doesn’t mean you just get to walk out,” Clint finished, “After a moment like that, you’ve got to at least have food. And I have some really good food ideas.” Clint stood and pulled Natasha to her feet. “Former Russian assassins, please follow me. Dessert or a food with more substance?”

Natasha gestured to Bucky in a ‘your decision’ movement.

He was quiet for a moment. “Er… something with substance would work.”

“Sounds good. Are you a pasta fan? I already know Nat is, but I want to make sure I don’t toss you under the bus when my brain jumps to pasta.”

“I’m fine with pasta,” Bucky replied, almost thrown by Clint’s quick fire enthusiasm.

“Is walnut, parsley, and parmesan linguine okay with the two of you?”

“I think you already know the answer to that,” Natasha teased.

Bucky nodded. “That’s fine.”

“Now let’s just hope Tony’s kept everything stocked.”


	5. Keep You Runnin'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky has an incident.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took a while, but I'm finally able to post again!

There wasn’t a word to describe Steve’s emotions.

He had his best friend back in his life. Bucky was doing better. He wasn’t a brainwashed assassin anymore. A recovering brainwashed assassin, sure, but there was a very important difference between the two.

Steve had gathered that Bucky had talked with Natasha. It was even evident from his bearing. Bucky acted more relaxed, especially around Natasha.

He slightly smiled at a couple of Tony’s jokes. He semi-willingly joined in with the others during meal times, albeit more towards the edges of the group.

Since Bucky was doing okay, of course it meant something had to go wrong.

Steve was out with Sam, looking into some potential Hydra leads. Tony was in his workshop, Pepper was dealing with some reporter, and Natasha, Clint, and Bruce were off doing their own thing somewhere. Bucky was content to watch whatever was on the TV in the lounge.

Asked later, he couldn’t have told anyone what triggered him specifically.

All he knew was that he had hardly been paying attention, but something registered and clicked. He didn’t even take the time to think about fighting the programming, it just stepped in.

\--

JARVIS immediately alerted Natasha and Clint, who had been lounging around on Clint’s floor. “Mr. Barnes is acting differently and won’t respond to me. I… I think he may have been triggered back into the mindset of the Winter Soldier.”

Natasha let loose a string of curses in various languages and immediately hopped up from beside Clint to grab a pair of shorts to accompany her t-shirt. “Keep him where he is!”

“I’ve already locked the floor Miss Romanoff.”

“Good,” she curtly replied.

Clint had also gotten up and grabbed a shirt. “What’re you thinking Nat?”

“We stop him, bring him back from the programming.”

“Clearly. Do you have a way in mind?”

“Knowing you and me, we’ll think of something.”

“So it’s one of those days,” Clint sighed.

Natasha blew him a kiss before she grabbed her Widow’s Bites.

\--

The TV was still running. The voice- JARVIS, somewhere in the back of his mind provided- JARVIS, kept on trying to talk to him. He pushed the sound of JARVIS into background noise and tried to focus on what was at hand.  
What was the Winter Soldier doing?

He couldn’t think of what he was supposed to do. A shot of panic ran through his veins before he could suppress it. If he didn’t do the mission, there was no saying what would happen. The consequences would be more than harsh.

An inkling of doubt crept into his mind. He wasn’t dressed like a weapon. That had never happened before.

What the hell was going on?

\--

Admittedly, Clint felt a little ridiculous, racing through Avengers Tower in boxers and a t-shirt with his quiver attached and bow in hand. The Widow’s Bites didn’t seem as visually inconsistent with Natasha’s shorts and t-shirt, somehow.

JARVIS let Clint and Natasha through into the lounge.

“James,” Natasha lowly warned. She held her right arm aloft, Widow’s Bites at the ready. Clint had a shock arrow aimed at Bucky’s chest.

Bucky had been facing the windows. He turned to face Natasha and Clint.

Recognition flittered in his eyes, but he still just stood there.

Clint whispered to Natasha, “Cognitive recalibration?”

“Maybe,” she whispered back.

Bucky solemnly stared at them.

“James, we need you to come back.”

“Steve needs you around Bucky.” Clint annunciated ‘Bucky’.

“Please don’t make us have to do this.” There was a small note of pleading evident in Natasha’s tone. “You’re safe here. It’ll be okay to let go.” Bucky continued not to move. She adjusted her stance from defensive to ready-to-move.

Bucky followed suit. He darted forward towards Natasha. As he moved, Clint fired. Bucky caught the arrow in his left hand and tossed it aside.

Natasha ducked towards her left and rolled, coming to her knees just in time to hit Bucky square in the chest with one of her Widow’s Bites. To follow up she swept his feet out from beneath him before he could react. His bionic arm reached for her loose hair.

Clint had grabbed at the shock arrow and practically slammed it into Bucky’s arm. He grunted and his arm limply fell.

“Sorry about this,” Natasha muttered before she knocked Bucky out. She waited for a second to make sure he was unconscious before standing up over him. “We did ask him to not make us do it the hard way.”

“So… what now?”

“We don’t know if he’s just unconscious or whether or not we got in the way of the programming.”

“Having been on the receiving end of that, I’d say he’s clear.”

“I don’t think we can really afford to take a chance though.” She gestured to Bucky’s left. “Can you take that side?” Natasha leaned over to support Bucky’s right arm over her shoulders. Clint put Bucky’s left arm around his shoulders.

“What exactly are we doing with him?”

Natasha sighed and scanned the lounge. “If he is still acting under programming, we’re going to want him secured. I don’t know when he’s going to come to, so… somehow I doubt that the couch is going to work.”  
“If we take him through the elevator, we should be able to get him to the party deck quick enough. A stool isn’t going to be the best, but it’s a decent option.”

JARVIS interrupted after Natasha’s comment. “Mr. Stark is already on his way up here, I’ll inform him to carry a stool up here.”

“Thanks JARVIS.”

Silence filled in as Clint and Natasha patiently waited for Tony. She shifted how Bucky’s arm lay around her shoulders.

“Kinda hope Steve gets back a little later today. Him coming back straight to this wouldn’t be pretty,” commented Clint.

“Let’s just worry about this one step at a time for now. We’ll have JARVIS distract Steve if we have to.”

Tony finally came up to the lounge. “Why do I need a stool- oh hey. Knocked out Bucky. Not a sight you see every day.”

“Just put it by the couch. We need something to secure him to.”

“Oh, so _that’s_ what it’s for. And nice outfits for dealing with him, guys,” Tony remarked as he walked over and set the stool down.

Natasha innocently tossed her head. “We were rushed.”

“At least you got him secured. Steve’s gonna have a fit when he hears about this. The whole ‘Oh yeah we tied him to a stool’ thing is really helpful to the whole situation.”

“I don’t see you with a better idea until we can make sure the Soldier isn’t coming out right away,” Natasha drily replied.

Clint nodded and pointedly glared at Tony.

“Don’t even start with that, Barton.” Tony looked Bucky over as Natasha and Clint worked at securing him to the stool. He groaned aloud once he saw Bucky’s arm. “Guys, I should’ve told you to be careful about the arm! I’m the one who has to fix it up! That is not going to be an easy fix!”

“It was the arm or Nat! One’s much easier to fix! Not a hard choice!” Clint exclaimed.

“Fine, fair enough reasoning.” Tony hesitated to ask, “Was he really an issue to secure?”

Natasha waited several moments before replying. “He just acts like he was trained to.”

“So he is something of an issue.”

“We have to help him through. We can’t abandon him. He needs support now more than anything.”

“I wasn’t saying we should drop him like a hot potato Tasha. I’m just wondering if here is the best place for him to be.”

“This is where Steve is. This is where you are, to help with the arm. And where else would you suggest?”

Clint resisted the urge to again pointedly glare at Tony to support Natasha, instead keeping to nodding along.

“I don’t know. But I know that if Bucky is staying, after an incident like this, I’m not sure I want Pepper around. I was a little worried to begin with and now… we just don’t know. We don’t know what all can set him off, and we don’t know what he’ll do given more time. Hell, we don’t even know if he can just snap out of it on his own.”

Natasha crossed her arms. “Sounds like you’re going to have a thrilling discussion with Pepper later.”

“I already know she isn’t going to want to just walk away Tasha. You don’t need to remind me,” Tony sighed.

“Again, you’re going to have a thrilling discussion, I’m sure.”

“Remember- Pepper knows best. And she does have the Rescue suit,” Clint helpfully pointed out.

“Y’know, that I actually could fight for very convincingly…”

“Pepper does love the suit,” Natasha added on with a small smile.

Tony nodded. “Yes she does.” He turned to face Bucky’s limp form. His shoulders fell and he sighed, “I need to fix up that arm, but I really should wait until he’s awake and himself again for my own safety.”

“I don’t think he should be out for too much longer. He should be able to stand the Bites pretty well.”

“Well, I might just leave you two here to be present when he wakes up. I am not going to be a part of that guilt fest or dealing with the Winter Soldier right away.”

Natasha and Clint nodded at Tony as he walked out.

\--

Unsurprisingly, Bucky’s head was pounding.

He could tell right away that he was secured to something. That fact only had him worried about what he could’ve done.

“The Winter Soldier want to go another round?” Clint’s voice came from Bucky’s right. He looked over to see Clint casually fiddling with several arrow tips.

Bucky lowly swore in Russian.

“Be glad it was a triggered relapse James, not a purposeful one on your head.” Natasha stood in front of Bucky, her arms crossed across her chest.

He groaned. “Is that supposed to make me feel better?”

“That’s up to you.”

“I’m assuming it was bad. I can’t feel my left arm.”

Clint stopped fiddling with the arrow tips and looked down at Bucky before he simply stated, “It was the arm or Natasha.”

If Bucky would have had his hands accessible, he would have buried his face in them. As it was, he groaned again and tried to shift himself into a better sitting position. “And where’s Steve?”

“He’s still out.”

“He’s not going to be happy.”

“James, Steve is not going to be angry with you.”

“He should be,” Bucky muttered beneath his breath.

Natasha loudly sighed and shifted her weight. “I know you feel bad. I understand that very well. But, if you’re only going to be self deprecating about this, you are not moving from sitting to that stool. This isn’t your fault. We’ll figure out what triggered you, what might trigger you in the future, and we will work around it. And if there is one damn thing you should know for sure, it is that Steve is going to fight along with you every step of the way.”

“If it was the arm or you, clearly I’m not safe to have around. I know you and Steve don’t want to treat me like a weapon, but we might have to,” Bucky sighed.

“James-,” Natasha started to say, concern edging her tone.

He flatly cut her off. “Not everyone here can protect themselves as well as you two can. I don’t want to risk it. I’ve already caused enough damage.” There was a hollow look in his expression that both Clint and Natasha immediately recognized.

Clint moved to stand by Natasha. “It’s going to take some time and it’s not going to be easy, but you can work it out in your head. I know. I’ve been there.” Clint hesitated momentarily before continuing. “You may or may not be familiar with Loki. When he was around a couple years ago and trying to take over, he, erm, kinda turned me into a puppet. And yeah, afterwards I thought I was never going to be able to escape it, that he’d always be in my head and that I could always be an issue. But it worked out, and I’m doing much better. It can be done.”

Bucky lowly asked, “How much of a danger were you?”

“Enough to warrant plenty of concern.” Clint stared right at Bucky.

“James, you can understand that you have help to work through this, and that you will work through this, or we can leave you right where you are. I’m sure you would just love to see Steve find you here.”

“Natalia…” Bucky trailed off before muttering indistinctly in Russian to himself. He tucked his head into his chest before sighing and straightening. “Please let me move.”

She shook her head. “You’ve got to promise me you’re going to try just as hard before I do anything.”

“I will try and move on,” murmured Bucky.

Natasha knelt beside him and started working off his ties.

Bucky cleared his throat and asked Clint, “How many people?”

Clint shifted his weight. “More than I’m comfortable with.”

“Both of you. Don’t,” Natasha sharply warned, “I swear, if you start trying to go down this road I will shock both of you and from there I’m not sure yet, but it’ll be something unpleasant.” She pointedly glared at Bucky and Clint to emphasize her point.

Bucky stood after Natasha and absentmindedly rubbed at his right wrist.

Clint sheepishly ran a hand through his hair.

JARVIS cut in to the moment. “Mr. Stark would like you to know that Captain Rogers will be returning rather late tonight, in case if that’s important.”

“Thank you JARVIS,” Natasha replied.

“Tell Steve that if he wants to see me, I’m going to be locked up in my room for the time being,” Bucky muttered. He tried to brush past Natasha, but she stuck her arm in his way.

“James, don’t do this to yourself.”

“We don’t know what triggered me. If I just keep to myself, there won’t be much to worry about.”

“Besides your inner demons,” Clint reminded, “And it’s better to not play with those too much. They start to get the idea that they can stick around.”

Bucky addressed Natasha, “I know you’re concerned, but please. I at least need a little time alone right now.”

She nodded. “Just don’t try and completely pull away James.”

“Not like you’d let me anyhow.”

“You’ve got that right,” Clint added on.

Natasha dropped her arm and let Bucky pass. “I’m expecting you back out and about before Steve gets back.”

“All I can tell you is that we’ll see. I’m not making any specific promises here.”

Clint reminded Bucky, “She won’t just let you go.”

“I know. And I’m grateful for that, even if it doesn’t always seem like it. Thank you.” Before either Natasha or Clint could say anything in response, Bucky brushed past them into the elevator. Once inside, he tipped his head back and grit his teeth. He clenched his fists and groaned, “Just can’t keep yourself out of the fire, can you?”


	6. Walkin' a High Wire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve approaches Bucky, when maybe he should've given Bucky more breathing room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bucky does have a panic attack in this chapter, just as an FYI in case if that could be triggering to anyone.

All Steve needed to know that something big had happened in his absence was the way Tony greeted him after they’d stumbled across each other in one of the hallways on a lower floor.

“So hey, how’d it go? Sam still doing okay? Does anyone need help?”

“Oh for the love of…” Steve trailed off and rubbed his temples. “Tony, what happened?”

“That’s what I was asking you-.”

“Don’t do this to me. It’s about Bucky, isn’t it? Tony, what happened?!”

“Steve-.”

“Never mind, I’ll ask Tasha.” Steve practically raced down the hall after he breezed past Tony. Along the way, he asked JARVIS, “Where’s Natasha at?”

“She is with Clint in the kitchen.”

“Thanks JARVIS!”

“Not a problem, Captain.”

Steve addressed Natasha as soon as he stepped into the kitchen. “What happened?!”

Drily, she responded, “Well hello to you too,” before crossing her arms. “James was triggered by something- we don’t know what it was just yet- and relapsed into the Winter Soldier mindset. Clint and I got to him before he could do any damage to anything or anyone. Currently, he’s moping in the lounge because I made him leave his room before you could get back.”

“Bucky was triggered into the Winter Soldier,” simply stated Steve, trying to work it through his head.

Natasha nodded. “Uhuh.”

Clint added on, “And we made sure he didn’t do anything.”

“But you had to take him down.”

“He’s already being hard enough on himself. Don’t add too much of your pain into the mix Steve. Yes, you care very deeply. We all know that. Right now, James needs more of your help then your wanting to share your feelings.”

“I wasn’t going to…” Steve ruefully shook his head. “Tasha, be honest with me-.”

She raised an eyebrow and cut Steve off. “I’m always honest with you Steve.”

Clint nearly guffawed. He couldn’t keep himself from murmuring, “Shots fired.”

Steve sighed. “Tasha, just, please, give me an idea of where he’s at. And don’t soften it up for me. You said it yourself- Bucky needs my help. I’d like to walk in with a battle plan though.”

“He feels very guilty.”

“Partially because he almost could’ve hurt Nat.”

She turned and folded her arms. “Clint!”

He innocently held his hands up and exclaimed, “It’s important to mention because it helps explain part of why Bucky is moping! He’s also grumpy because, er, his left arm isn’t exactly in prime condition. It may or may not finally be moving again after we kinda electrocuted it.” Clint paused before hastily adding on, “Defensively. And Tony hasn’t been able to get to it yet because Bucky holed himself away.”

Natasha unfolded her arms and shifted her weight before she cut back into the conversation. “He has mixed feelings on staying here.”

With a deep breath, Steve’s shoulders slumped forward. “I should have been here for him.”

“There is a time and a place for this. Are you helping James first, or are you sorting your own guilt out first?”

“More shots fired,” Clint whispered, loud enough for only Natasha to hear.

Steve straightened and addressed Natasha, “I think we need to talk later.”

She nodded and waved a hand, almost dismissively. “Go help him. He needs you, more than he wants to admit. And it’s not a secret that you need him, so if I were you I would go on to help him.”

“I’m going Tasha, I’m going.” Steve waved back over one shoulder as he headed towards the elevator.

Inside, his mind raced.

He was Bucky’s closest friend. He could have guessed that Bucky might have had a relapse into the Soldier. He should have been around to help. He figured that if he had been there, maybe Bucky wouldn’t have had the struggle in the first place.

Then again, it could take more than he realized to break the hold of Bucky’s programming.

The thought was only a small comfort.

\--

Bucky was on one of the couches, absentmindedly trying to flip through some magazine that had Pepper on the cover. His back was stick straight and he gripped the magazine tight enough to leave finger indents.

“Hey Buck.”

Bucky startled and looked up from the magazine at Steve. Uneasily, he let out a breath.

“Steve.”

Bucky’s right hand was eerily still as he set the magazine down on the coffee table in front of him.

Sympathy lined Steve’s expression. “Asking how’re you doing seems a little ridiculous, but, how are you?”

“I’ve been better.”

“Haven’t we all?”

The question awkwardly hung in the air for several long moments. Steve shifted his weight and was about to speak when Bucky interrupted the silence instead.

“I know you want to tell me it’s okay Steve. But I know it’s my fault.”

“Bucky, none of this is your fault.”

In one swift motion, Bucky stood. He raised his left arm and tapped one finger on his head. “It’s all in my head. I should be able to fight the damn triggers, or at least identify them.” He heavily swallowed. “There was a moment I could’ve gotten a grip against it. But… it surprised me. I’d almost forgotten what it felt like at the forefront, rather than a little voice whispering at my mind. I could’ve stopped the incident before it even began. But I didn’t,” Bucky confessed, a tortured look in his eye.

Steve started to step forward. “Bucky, you can’t blame yourself for all of this. They never wanted you to fight the programming. It’s not your fault.”

“Can you seriously believe that?”

“That’s not-.”

Bitterly, Bucky laughed. “Their ways aren’t perfect. Even if it’s just a split second, I could’ve fought the programming. I could’ve not been a problem. Hell, I’m just counting it as a good thing that no one else was around so that I didn’t hurt anyone!”

“Bucky, please, just listen to me.”

“Steve. Don’t you dare be the one to underestimate the danger I am. I may be Bucky, but I am also full well the Winter Soldier. I carry all that blood on my hands.” As he spoke, Bucky started to raise his voice and shake. “Ever since I snuck into your room I’ve been calculating potential escape routes in the back of my head. I’ve been logging information on every person in this Tower. Strengths, weaknesses, general ability. The Soldier has plans for the most efficient ways to take every single one of you out. And set free, he just might act on them.” Bucky gestured towards the magazine. “What do you think might have happened if Pepper had happened to be in the lounge? Or if I had gotten out of the lounge before JARVIS locked it down and she was nearby?”

“Bucky,” Steve started to warn, “Don’t.”

He ignored Steve. “He might have seized the chance and acted. He might have hurt her.” Again, Bucky swallowed. “I might’ve hurt her. I could’ve started to hurt everyone.”

“No, don’t scare yourself by even thinking about what you might have done, the fact of the matter is that you didn’t do anything, it was okay.”

“I could have been one big thorn in everyone’s side. It’s just not safe for anyone if I’m around here, Steve. I think it’s best if I leave.”

“No, don’t you dare give up this easy Bucky! We can figure it out, this isn’t an end-all!” Steve took another step forward.

Irritated, Bucky ran a hand through his hair before he exclaimed, “I’m a weapon, and maybe that’s all I can be!”

“Listen to me, Bucky, you’re not a weapon. You’re my best friend, and you’re one of the best men I know.”

Bucky’s breath caught and he started to speak in rapid fire Russian. His body shook and his words came out amidst gasps. His chest felt tight and his hands tingled. His heart raced.

Steve blinked and stood in shock for a moment. Softly, he asked, “Bucky?” When Bucky only continued to shakily yell out in Russian, Steve talked to JARVIS. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Sergeant Barnes, I believe you’re experiencing a panic attack. Please, breathe. I recommend counting to five for each inhale and exhale. Captain Rogers, please try and assist Sergeant Barnes in calming down.”

Bucky screwed his eyes shut and collapsed onto the couch, his breathing erratic and harsh.

Steve carefully approached him. “Bucky…”

He gasped out, “Go away Steve.”

Cautiously, Steve put his hand on Bucky’s back, hesitating before he kept it there. “Hey there Buck. I don’t really understand anything you just said, but I can assume you’re not exactly happy at the moment. And-.”

Half a growl, half the start of a sob, Bucky managed out, “Shut up Steve.”

“Okay.”Steve nodded. “Okay.”

He looked up as the door to the lounge opened.

“Steve? JARVIS said you needed me?” Bruce asked.

“Maybe?”

Bruce noticed Bucky and immediately nodded in understanding. He moved closer to Steve and quietly inquired, “How’s he doing?”

One handed, Steve made an ‘I don’t know’ gesture.

In the meanwhile, Bucky had buried his head in his hands and lightly started crying. His shaking had only slightly abated in the comforting presence of Steve’s hand.

Bruce knelt in front of Bucky. “Hi. It’s Bruce.” A moment passed without Bucky saying anything or moving in the slightest. He had adjusted his breathing patterns though.“I know you’re uncomfortable and probably a little bit scared, but that’s okay. But Bucky, we need you to be responsive. We can’t help if you don’t give feedback.”

Several seconds passed before Bucky lowly replied. “Didn’t think you were a psychiatrist.”

“I’m not. I don’t have the temperament. But I do have experience with anxiety and panic attacks. Your chest is constricted. Your heart is racing. Your limbs feel funny. I know. I’ve been there.” After a brief moment of silence, Bruce looked up from Bucky to Steve. He murmured, “Steve, maybe it’d be best to give some space.”

“I… okay.” Regretfully, Steve went and stood by the door, his arms crossed to keep himself from fidgeting as he watched Bruce quietly talk to Bucky.

“Steve’s gone. I think we both know he means perfectly well, but he can be a little much for you I’m guessing.”

“Banner, I never took you for one to be good at this.” There was a steadier edge to Bucky’s voice. He set his hands down in his lap.

“You and I could probably read each other better than we think. The Other Guy and the Winter Soldier,” Bucky stiffened. Bruce continued on regardless, “cause us no small number of problems. And it’s certainly not easy. If you want, I’ve got some things that have helped me that might help you.”

“I might just take you up on that offer,” Bucky murmured.

Bruce kindly smiled. “It’d be my pleasure.”

“You’re a good man, Banner.”

“Please, call me Bruce. And I don’t know about that, but thanks anyhow.” Bruce started to stand, only to apparently think better of it as he returned to his kneeling position. “So what makes you happy?”

“I’m not really sure anymore, truth be told.”

“Let’s find you a hobby. It does wonders.”

Bucky slowly nodded. “I’ll have to see.”

“Are you hungry? Getting some food into the system never hurt anyone.”

“Er, sure.”

Bruce stood. “Let’s see what we can scrounge up then. There ought to be something new hanging around in the kitchen to try.” He looked over to Steve and smiled.

Steve approached Bruce and Bucky. “I think there’s still some cake hiding around somewhere.”

“Sounds good.” Bruce led the way to the kitchen.

Steve silently gave a prayer of thanks that Bruce was around and that JARVIS always knew what to do.

Bucky distracted himself on the chocolate cake.


	7. Edge of the Blade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint and Bucky have a moment.

Clint was only mildly surprised to run into Bucky in the kitchen early the next morning.

“Really like to ghost around, don’t you?”

“Hmm?” Bucky was in the process of slicing vegetables. He cut with his left and held the given vegetable in place with his right.

“Never mind. But what are you doing up this early slicing vegetables?” Clint asked while he dug around in the refrigerator.

Bucky shrugged. “I think I’m developing a hobby.”

“To just slice vegetables?” wryly remarked Clint. 

“To cook.” Bucky ignored Clint’s joke.

Sagely, Clint nodded. “Ah. Yep, cooking is good. I can set you up with some really good recipes if you want.” Clint poured the milk into a glass and grabbed Nutella and bread from the pantry. While he slathered the bread in Nutella, he cheerily asked, “So what are you trying to make now?”

“I felt like making an omelette.”

“Omelettes are good. And it’d be hilarious if you stole Tony’s thunder. And don’t forget to- woah there Bucky. Hold up, you’re bleeding.”

“Hmm? Oh. It’s just a nick.” His right index finger was slowly dripping blood from a small cut.

Clint set his bread down and guffawed. “Yeah right. A nick doesn’t pour out blood. And you’re not the Black Knight or anything like that.” He pulled open a drawer to the left of the sink and started to search for a Band-Aid.

“I’m fine,” Bucky quietly said.

Clint paused to give Bucky a pointed look. “Just because it’s a small cut doesn’t mean it’s nothing. And c’mon, no one wants you to bleed all over the vegetables.” He pulled out a Band-Aid and held it out towards Bucky, who didn’t take it. Clint sighed and semi-aggressively waggled the Band-Aid. “Your finger is dripping blood. At least be mildly concerned. You’re starting to scare me.” His forehead furrowed in concern.

“It’ll be fine in just a little bit anyhow.”

“That is not a valid excuse.” Bucky didn’t protest as Clint carefully wrapped the Band-Aid around his finger. “Seriously Bucky, love yourself. It’s what helps you go a long way.” He clapped a hand on Bucky’s back. “Okay?”

“I-.”

“Okay?” repeated Clint, a strong note of statement in his tone. At Bucky’s sullen silence, he frowned. “You’re creeping me out now. Scratch or not, you still just accidentally hurt yourself. It could’ve been a finger!”

“I would have noticed before that could happen.” Bucky had gone back to chopping the vegetables. He made an obvious effort to keep the knife tip away from his fingers.

“And there you go with not noticing the cut again.”

Absentmindedly, Bucky shrugged and casually remarked, “Injuries can always wait, unless they stop you from performing.”

Clint blinked. “I have heard a lot of disturbing things over the years, but this is… something.” He softened his tone. “Bucky, this isn’t healthy. You’ve got to care about yourself. For your own well being and for the mental well being of those who care about you.”

Bucky looked up from the vegetables to Clint. “Clearly I already have to care about my well being, otherwise I wouldn’t be here.”

“And yet here you are injuring yourself without even realizing it or really caring. You would’ve let that cut bleed until your platelets took over without a second glance. Only caring about anything that can be life threatening isn’t good enough. Ignoring the small can lead to life threatening.”

“I’ve managed just fine.”

“And respectfully you haven’t really been freely running up and around for as long as you’ve been around. Yes, while frozen it’s easy to manage your well being. Others do that for you. Now you’ve got to make some changes. And I swear that if you don’t at least promise me that you’ll work at caring more about your own well being, I will make sure Steve and Nat know full well about this.”

Bucky levelly half stared, half glared at Clint. “You’re not a blackmailer.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Are you honestly testing me? I’ve got a dangerous edge, Barton.”

With a half shrug, Clint picked his bread up and took a bite. “Don’t we all?”

“There is a knife in my hand.” If it weren’t for the direction the conversation had taken, Bucky’s remark would have seemed like an innocent, obvious comment, given his tone.

Cooly, Clint asked, “Is that a threat?” Without breaking eye contact with Bucky, he continued to eat.

After depositing the cut vegetable into a bowl, Bucky straightened and adjusted how the knife sat in his hand. “It could be any number of things. Threat, comment…”

“A precarious slope for the both of us,” finished Clint.

“Agreed.”

“At the same time, I know that you know that if something were to happen, you could hardly describe it as happenstance. Nat can carry a death wish, and wouldn’t be stopped by Steve. Plus her connections could certainly make life difficult for you, even if she doesn’t take the death route. So it really would be easier for both of us if you would just agree to care more about yourself. Problem solved, happy days, let’s just all be happy and have more cake. Yeah?”

A tense moment passed before Bucky moved to set the knife down. Without meeting Clint’s eye, he grumbled out, “I can try to be more self aware.”

Clint broke out into a wide smile. “Good.” He turned to face the fridge. “And now I wasn’t kidding about that cake. There’s only a couple slices left, and it’s worth stealing into a stomach. Plus I heard you liked it, so consider it a peace offering. You don’t stab me or cut me or something, and I don’t blackmail your best friend into super protective mode or Nat into ‘I’m going to help you no matter what’ mode.”

“It really never is dull with you around.” Bucky moved around the counter top to accept a slice of cake from Clint. 

He warmly chuckled. “Oh yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I in no way, shape, or form apologize for the cheesy title. (But if anyone can guess we're I've gotten my inspiration for all the titles from, super brownie points to you!)


	8. Just Around the Corner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky confesses what's been on his mind.

“I think I want to find my own place. Or something.”

He had to tell someone. Constantly worrying about just how much of a danger he was for everyone at Avengers Tower was not what Bucky wanted. He was dealing with enough issues as it was. Too many in the mix could get ugly, fast.

As it was, Bucky started with Bruce, rather than Steve. Natasha would also understand, but Bucky and Bruce had attained a level of comfort with each other that was rather refreshing, given the lack of a shared past between them. It was easier to communicate with Bruce. He understood more of what wars Bucky raged in his mind than Steve probably ever could.

Bruce was carefully nursing a cup of tea. He slowly slipped before asking, “Because of Steve?”

“Only partially.”

“He cares.”

“Oh, I know he cares. It’s all good and fine that he cares. I just need space, and I need to not have to worry about everyone else’s safety when I’m in the room.”

“You’ve been doing well,” gently reminded Bruce.

Bucky sharply exhaled. “Is that what it’s called?”

“You’re not going to be able to live a normal life. So yes, considering that you haven’t needed Steve or Natasha to help coach you back, you’ve been doing very well.”

“If you were to give it a shot I’m sure you could get results.”

Bruce kindly smiled and set his tea down. “Possibly. It also is very possible the Other Guy could recognize you as a threat though, and want to come and play. I’m sure Tony would prefer if we didn’t trash the Tower.”

Bucky casually shrugged in response. “Whatever the reasoning, it could be nice.”

“Maybe.”

“Thanks Bruce.”

“Not a problem.” A moment passed before Bruce brought up Bucky’s initial topic. “Say you did leave the Tower. Are you planning to be completely on your own? Are you staying in an apartment complex? Will your daily routine include a bunch of strangers and no one keeping track of your triggers and predicting potential triggers? What would you do?”

“Never said I had all the details figured. I’m just saying that I don’t think it’s the best idea for me to stay here.”

“If you leave Steve is going to want to follow you.”

“It’s not surprising.” Bucky almost cracked a smile. “Together to the end of the line,” he murmured.

Bemusedly, Bruce asked, “Are you planning on getting a job of some sort?”

An awkward chuckle escaped Bucky. “Don’t really know what I’d do. Somehow my hobbies just don’t seem to line up with any reasonable job, and my history makes things difficult. But I’d figure something out. Wouldn’t be the first time.”

“Your best bet, be it for planning or anything else, would probably be to talk to Steve about this first. After all, it’s not like you could just run off into the sunset. The day anyone around here lets that happen is a day I don’t believe in.”

“I’m sure you’re right.”

“Somehow I manage to be.”

\--

Unsurprisingly, Steve was busy in the gym. As soon as he saw Bucky in his peripheral vision, he practically threw aside his workout.

“What’s up Buck?”

Slowly, Bucky shook his head. “That sounds like the beginning to some horrible joke.”

Steve grinned as he grabbed a towel and quickly ran it over his face. “Guess I have to get creative and come up with a punch line then,” he laughed.

“Guess so.”

Steve put the towel aside. “Something’s weighing on your mind.”

“Great job, realizing that. When is something not?”

“Hey.” Steve narrowed his eyes and frowned. “You know you can talk to me Bucky.”

“Yeah, I know. You’re always pointing it out to me at every turn Steve.” Bucky made no effort to hide the snark in his voice.

“I’ve gotta do something to let you know. But,” Steve openly gestured towards Bucky, “since you so clearly know, I really want you to talk with me. What’s on your mind?”

Bucky ran a hand through his hair. “I think I need to move out of the Tower.”

“Okay.” Steve elongated the word. “Is there anything in particular driving this thought or-.”

“Steve. You’re kidding me.” Bucky shook his head and half turned away, only to face Steve again. He gestured to himself. “I’m a walking issue just waiting to happen. It’s just not safe to have me around. And maybe I need the space to figure out more about myself. Avengers Tower is great, but I’m no Avenger. I don’t belong, and I don’t want to encroach on anything. I know I’ve already given Stark enough worries. No need to continue that.”

“You know I could never just let you walk off.”

“Yes, I know. That’s why I’m actually talking to you.”

“I… Bucky, I’ll be the first to say right now that I don’t know what’ll be the most helpful to you. I can say without a doubt that no one thinks you’re encroaching on anything. The support system here is great to fall back on. But if you do think that some distance would help, I get that. But I can’t let you just throw yourself out into the unknown completely on your own.” For a moment, Steve paused. “I’m sure there’s- if you feel like you could take it, that is- some place that we could get joint rooms or something. Enough to have someone there but not be overbearing. Hopefully. I… is that okay? And I can take care of expenses and-.”

Bucky cracked a small smile. “Of course ‘s okay, punk.”

Steve moved to engulf Bucky in a hug. Smiling, he muttered, “Jerk.”

“You were one first.” Bucky wrapped his arms around Steve. For a moment he closed his eyes and just let himself relax in the moment.

Steve had no desire to break the hug until Bucky was ready. “Guess you were a punk first then, right?”

“You wish.” After several long moments, Bucky finally pulled away. “And you’re absolutely serious about finding some place, right?”

“I don’t joke about things like this.”

“Sometimes you surprise me.”

“It may take a little bit to find something though.”

“That I can work with.”

“And Tony is the one who works on your arm, so you can’t just leave Avengers Tower behind.”

“That I expected too. It’s more a matter of constant exposure as it is than anything else, so I’m fine with coming back every once in a while. I need to talk with Bruce from time to time after all.”

“I am absolutely introducing you to Sam,” Steve excitedly mentioned.

Bucky raised an eyebrow. “Okay.”

“In a friend way.”

“I’m not planning on attempting to kill anyone Steve.”

“I know. It’s just an easier way to start.”

“Uhuh.” 

Steve collected his towel and water bottle. “So have you told anyone else about your plans to leave the Tower yet?”

“It’s come up several times. Bruce is the only one who’s heard anything recently besides you.”

“Are you planning on announcing it as a general thing, or only telling people individually?”

Bucky shot Steve a curious look and carefully said, “Given the fact that you asked, I’m assuming it’d be better if I just planned on making a group announcement.”

Innocently, Steve held up his hands. “All I did was ask a simple question. I never insinuated a thing.”

Bucky snorted. “Yeah right. I’ve known you for too long for that to work on me Steve.”

He couldn’t wipe the smile off his face. “Worth a shot.”

Playfully, Bucky half swiped at Steve’s shoulder. “You’re definitely a punk.”

Steve retaliated in turn. “Never said I wasn’t.”

Bucky freely laughed.


	9. Guess I'm Coming Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky is moving on in life.

As a constant background presence, Steve, in a not so subtle fashion, kept on trying to push Bucky towards telling everyone about his plans. (Bucky had already been planning to tell everyone, and just procrastinated to see to what lengths Steve’s efforts would go.)

Clint noted Steve’s antics. He purposefully bumped into Bucky. “I’m going to assume you know what’s up with Steve.”

Bucky almost chuckled. “He’s trying to push into a group update.”

“Wait, of what?”

“Tell you later.”

“Aw c’mon! There’s no fun in that!”

“Patience is a virtue,” Bucky reminded with a grin.

“Wow, you’re sure acting different. Can’t wait to hear what this is all about then.” To Bucky’s mild surprise, Clint left him be of his own volition, no more questions asked. 

\--

While not unusual for Bucky to attend the group dinner, his appearances were often spaced out, depending on how he felt on any given day. When Bucky appeared in the dining room, early, Tony had to comment.

“So the ghost decides to sup with us for two nights in a row. To what do we owe the pleasure? Or wait! Is this just a once in a blue moon type of thing?”

Pepper looked up from the tablet she was reading on to shoot a pointed look at Tony. 

Mildly, Bucky replied, “I’ve got something I need to tell everyone.”

Tony nodded. “That’s new.”

He didn’t push the issue as everyone else filed into the dining room.

Clint had apparently informed Natasha that Bucky had something he wanted to say, or at least he assumed such from the way she caught his gaze and curiously raised her eyebrows in a questioning gesture.

Bruce supportively smiled at Bucky, guessing that he was going to tell everyone the news at some point in the meal.

Steve sat down, as usual, next to Bucky and bumped him with an elbow.

“Just give me five minutes,” muttered Bucky, “I’m waiting for the meal to be ready. Patience, Steve, is a virtue.”

“Bucky, you really can be an irritant.”

He grinned. “Don’t be mad just because I’ve got timing.”

Somehow, everyone else was staying relatively oblivious to Steve and Bucky’s side discussion.

With a twinkle in her eye, Natasha told Tony, “This may just be the first time you haven’t had a menu waiting on the table when you’ve been in charge of the meal.”

He shrugged and smiled. “No menus needed. I just need Steve to carry in something.”

“In the kitchen?” Steve asked as he got up. 

“Yes.” Tony gestured Steve into the adjoining kitchen. “It’s on the counter!”

“Believe it or not, I do have eyes Tony!”

“Just checking!”

Steve carried out a large tray that held taco shells and various things to put in the shells.

“He’s very proud of doing a taco bar,” Pepper commented with a smile.

“It is a great idea though!” Tony proudly said. “And I even included both hard and soft shell! It’s perfect!”

“You’re having too much fun with this,” teased Bruce.

Tony dismissively waved his hand. “I have too much fun with everything. Let’s be honest, this is just another rock in the pool.”

Everyone laughed.

“See? He’s laughing,” Clint whispered to Natasha, “There’s something different going on with Bucky.”

She whispered back, “He’ll reveal his secrets in his own time.”

“I know, but it doesn’t stop me from being curious.”

At that moment, Bucky cleared his throat. “There’s something I want everyone to hear.” 

“You have our undivided attention,” responded Tony.

Bucky didn’t react to Tony’s remark. “I’m- actually, Steve and I are moving out of the Tower as soon as we find a place.”

“Wow,” Pepper said aloud.

Bruce again supportively smiled at Bucky. He nervously tried to smile back, only managing to slightly lift the corners of his mouth.

Natasha and Tony instantly looked to Steve, trying to judge from him if this was because of a lack of something in the Tower for Bucky’s needs.

Steve slightly shook his head.

“It’s not because of anything here; it’s just that I need someplace not here to figure everything out still and what I’m doing anymore-.” Bucky had started to babble, only to have a somewhat concerned Tony cut him off mid-phrase.

“Are you at least planning on coming to the Tower for the upkeep on your arm? That’s something you really need to think about.”

“Or you could teach Steve. Or Bucky could figure out how to take care of his arm, although that could get a little complicated I suppose…” Clint was only half joking in his suggestions.

“I’m going back and forth. You’ll still be in charge of the arm, Tony. I just need some place without connections,” Bucky confessed.

“But I’m also not letting him go out alone,” Steve quickly added on, addressing the unspoken question in the room. “Even if it ends up being more ‘roommates with some distance.’ I’m going with him.”

Tony leaned back in his chair. “This could get interesting.”

“It will help,” Natasha murmured, loud enough to be heard by Bucky.

From over her shoulder, Clint nodded his agreement with Natasha’s statement. 

Bruce nodded. “At any rate, it’s worth the risk.”

“If you would ever need anything, you can just call-.”

“Tony,” Steve gently said, “we know. And we would.”

In a quick change of topic, Natasha asked, “Have you looked at anything yet?”

Bucky shook his head. “Not yet. We just barely decided today to go forward with it.”

She couldn’t help but smile in Steve’s direction. “Maybe you should find something by Sam.”

“I’m at least forcing an official introduction.”

“Might have to address first impressions before that,” Tony said in between fake coughs.

Steve evenly stared at Tony. “I’ve got it figured out.”

A little awkwardly, Bucky forced a loud cough. “Thanks everyone, for understanding.”

Clint replied, “Glad to be a part of the support system.”

Over the rest of the dinner, Tony brought up whatever concern came to mind about the logistics of Bucky and Steve’s plan. The concerns were quickly addressed, and then the dinner conversation continued as per usual.

Bucky was glad that everyone apparently trusted him enough to let him go relatively out on his own. It struck a chord.

For one of the first times in forever, he slept peacefully.

\--

It took several months, but, after looking at place after place, Steve and Bucky found an appropriate housing location for their needs.

(During those months, Clint ended up gaining an apartment building to his name. He offered spots to Steve and Bucky, but they politely refused, in light of the fact that, though convenient, living in Clint’s building was cutting the matter a little too close for Bucky’s comfort.)

After preparing a couple of things in the place, Steve and Bucky were ready to move in.

For Bucky, the packing process was easy. He had little as it was, despite what he had acquired since moving in to Avengers Tower.

The temporary goodbyes were harder.

Tony presented Bucky with a gigantic toaster. “You never know when you need to toast at least six pieces of bread at once.”

“Er… thanks Tony.”

“You are very much welcome!” he brightly replied before lowly saying, “Bucky… be careful. Stay safe. Don’t give Steve a heart attack. There are a lot of people who care about you. Remember that.”

“I don’t think there’s any way that I could forget.”

“Oh, and Pepper says best of luck. She had a meeting that came up, otherwise she was going to help present the toaster.”

“Well then thank Pepper for me, will you?”

“I’d be happy to.”

Bruce brought Bucky a bag of Lifesavers mints, in reference to one of their conversations. Bucky smiled at the bag.

“If that’s not going to be reminder enough, I don’t know what is.”

At that, Bruce softly laughed. “It’s a good thing you have it then.”

“Yeah…” Carefully, and a little awkwardly, Bucky pulled Bruce into a hug. “Thank you. For everything,” he muttered, “You’ve really helped.”

“I’m just doing what I know to do. Passing on experience helps both sides after all.”

“I don’t think I’d be where I am without your help.”

“I don’t know about that… but thanks nonetheless. If you need anything-.”

“Just call. I know. I’ve heard it from everyone.”

“Just double-checking.”

Clint and Natasha came together, unsurprisingly.

“Lemme guess. The toaster is a Tony gift?” Clint asked with a wide grin.

“I’m almost terrified to see what he does on holidays.”

“Ask Pepper to tell you about the giant rabbit sometime,” Natasha bemusedly answered.

“Oh boy. Do I even want to know?”

Clint extended a hand for Bucky to shake. “Have fun at the new place. Try not to strain your back while moving in. Don’t damage your arm either.”

“I’ll do my best.”

Natasha quickly hugged Bucky. Softly, she told him, “Stay safe James. Try not to be an annoying neighbor.”

Cheekily, Bucky replied, “Well there go my plans of blasting music at three in the morning.”

Somehow, Clint maintained a straight face. “Tony may have been a bad influence.”

Ruefully, Natasha smiled and shook her head. “We should’ve known. So sorry James, you’re now doomed to play AC/DC whenever a song fits the situation, regardless of the actual details of said situation.”

Bucky pretended to be astonished, even putting his hand over his heart. “Oh no! This is the end!”

“At least it’s not like AC/DC is bad,” Clint pointed out, “You could be doomed to have Justin Bieber play at all times or something. AC/DC wins any day.” Clint abruptly straightened. “Hey! You’re planning on coming back next week for Game Night, right? We’re making it an official thing, and we’d all be very sad if you didn’t show up.”

“I think I can manage to show up. If nothing else Steve will insist on it, I’m sure.”

Natasha smiled. “Have fun.”

“I will. That much is clear already.”

\--

“You got it?”

Bucky almost sighed dramatically. He lightly quipped, “Yes Steve, I am more than capable of carrying the two pound box. If I was able to throw you, the box isn’t anywhere near being a problem.”

“Just looking out for you.” Steve shrugged as he spoke, careful not to topple the boxes he had balanced in his arms.

“You worry too much.”

“Hey, you worry about me too much. Give me the chance to worry too.”

“Not a chance, punk.” 

“If I stop worrying about you, you’ve got to stop worrying about me.”

Bucky guffawed. “You’re joking. By now worrying about you is written into my DNA.”

Steve grinned and somewhat sassily commented, “Guess we’re stuck the way we are then.”

“On the bright side, I got a bionic arm out of everything.”

“Ouh,” groaned Steve, “That’s a little low.”

“You became Mr. Spangly, so I guess I’m the real winner here.”

“I just might hide Sam’s brownies from you when he gets over here.”

“You can try. I’m very good at finding things though. Good luck, Steve.”

“It’s on.”

“If I find the brownies, I get at least half of them.”

“Oohh, you have asked for a challenge. I will not give up those brownies without a fight.”

Bucky slightly tilted his head. “We could just do that, I suppose. It’s been a couple days since we sparred. We could both use the practice. I’ll even let you pull out the shield.”

Steve dramatically sighed and shook his head. “We need to actually live here for a while before we’re allowed to destroy the place.”

“Have it your way.”

The doorbell rang. Bucky and Steve looked at each other before setting aside their respective boxes and racing to open the door. Steve ended up wrenching it open.

Sam stared. “Um, hi. I come bearing food. If you two can deal with that at the moment, that is.”

“We’re fine,” insisted Steve.

“He,” Bucky gestured at Steve with his thumb over his shoulder, “was just being a full grown punk.”

“I’m not sure I even want to ask,” Sam deadpanned.

“That might be for the best,” admitted Steve, more than a little sheepishly.

Slowly, Sam said, “Okay… do you need my help unpacking still?”

“Yeah, come on… set the brownies down in the kitchen, but don’t let Bucky know where you put them.”

“Hey.”

Sam looked from Steve to Bucky and back. “Don’t make me unleash the Falcon on you.”

Drily, Bucky replied, “Can’t have that.”

Sam clapped his hands together. “Okay, no jokes. It’s time to make this place feel like home.”

Bucky watched for a moment as Sam and Steve started to unpack one of the boxes Steve had been previously holding. He smiled to himself.

Lost for longer than Steve, he could finally find home and himself again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the end of the silly little fic idea that just wouldn't leave me alone! To anyone who read, thank you! (And if anyone caught onto my constant use of Journey lyrics for most of the titles, props to you!)


End file.
